Alright, ladies and gentlemen! Gather 'round, gather 'round. Today, I ain't here to tell y'all 'bout the time I set myself on fire—nah, nah, nah. I'm here to talk to you about some high-class, state-of-the-art... Excel functions! Yeah, don't adjust your hearing aids; you heard that right—Microsoft damn Excel! Hold on, don't leave; this sh*t is funny.
How to Use COUNTIF
Okay, so this is how it goes down. You put "=COUNTIF(" and then you tell Excel what range you're lookin' at. Maybe you got a list of numbers, or names, or how many times you heard someone say "Kardashian" on TV. Then, you put in what you're lookin' for—could be a number, could be text. So it goes like this:
=COUNTIF(A1:A10, "Kardashian")
And then Excel will go through that list like your mama goin' through your room lookin' for contraband! "Got one! Got another one!" Excel will holler out how many times "Kardashian" appeared in that range.
Let's Get Specific Now
Ya see, you can get specific with this sh*t, too. Say you got a list of numbers, and you want to know how many of 'em are greater than 100. Then you type in:
=COUNTIF(A1:A10, ">100")
You see what I did there? That's right, man! I used a symbol! This ain't just comedy; this is educational. You're gettin' smarter just by listenin' to me!
COUNTIF with Text
Now, lemme tell you, this ain't just for numbers. Nah, man, you can get Excel to start snooping around text too! So let's say you wanna count how many times the word "Love" shows up in a range. Baby, it ain't gonna find "lust," "like," or "let's just be friends."
=COUNTIF(A1:A10, "Love")
That's right, Excel is strict, man, like a father with a shotgun on prom night. It's lookin' for "Love" and nothing but "Love."
Real-World Examples, Ya Dig?
Now, how could you use this in real life? Well, maybe you got a side hustle sellin' something you shouldn't be. You can set up a column with customer names and another column that says, "Paid" or "Not Paid." And then you use COUNTIF to count how many fools haven't paid you yet.
=COUNTIF(B1:B10, "Not Paid")
And there it is, Excel tells you, "Man, you got 5 people owe you money. Better get to collectin'!"
Wrap it Up!
Alright, alright, I hope y'all learned something here tonight. COUNTIF ain't just a function; it's a way of life! You can count your blessings, your curses, and everything in between. Just remember: don't count your chickens before they hatch, but do count your cells before they mess up your spreadsheet!
Peace, I’m out. But before I go, anyone know how to get Excel to calculate how many times I been married? That's some advanced sh*t right there!